hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
