How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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