My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
