And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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