well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
