My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
