he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
