Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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