lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
