If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
