You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize