Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
