I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
