Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
