After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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