Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
