Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
