i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
