I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
