I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
