do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
