me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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