idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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