I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
