So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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