All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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