I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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