Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
