He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
