so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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