i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
