I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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