cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
