I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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