He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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