All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
