just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
