I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
