when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
