True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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