you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
