I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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