Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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