Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
