It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
