I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
