woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
