I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize