I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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