How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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