i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
