Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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