i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
