Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
