Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
