fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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