she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
