one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
