her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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