Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
