I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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