So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
