Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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