people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
