I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize