If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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