in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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