Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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