I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
