I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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