maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
