Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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