I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize