Screwed.edu
there was a trapeze. enough said
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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