Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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