Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
