PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
