Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
