forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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