Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
