Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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