You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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