I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
