You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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