I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im on a boat
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