I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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