so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
