I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
