My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
