Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
