The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
