I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
