Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
