I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
