"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
