Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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