Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
