His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
