he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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