i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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