After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
