Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize