Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
