you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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