Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
