So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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