Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
