I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
