brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
