a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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