does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
