There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
