it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
