I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
