he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
