I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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