OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
