She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
