Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
