the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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