On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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