Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't notice because vodka
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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