I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
