When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my being single is dangerous.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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