Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
