1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
