New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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